Conflict has a distracting quality. It may draw all our attention to the other party. We should direct considerable attention towards the other party – the person we have a conflict with – but not all of our attention. In attempting to alleviate discomfort and resolve a dispute, parties may look only externally. Fixated on […]
#31 Shift Attention To Yourself To Break An Impasse Keep Reading »
High conflict calls for structure. You may not always stay within that structure. That’s OK. But you need a methodical framework to fall back on. The method below supports you in acting consciously rather than reactively. It enables you to manage the conversation constructively. Possessing and using such a framework is helpful in all conflict.
#29 A Methodical Framework For High Conflict Keep Reading »
Members of an effective team bring passion to their work. That passion results is strong points of view and contributes to the intensity of differences. When the differences are experienced as incompatible, which at times is inevitable, conflict is born. Effective team members therefore require an interpersonal tolerance to differences and a capacity to engage
#28 Relationship Repair On Teams Keep Reading »
Bernie Mayer has been encouraging us to stay with conflict (Staying with Conflict, 2008). I recall a mediation experience from five years ago that enriched my understanding of what it means to stay with conflict, and how staying with conflict can be helpful. Two parents and former spouses were in conflict over what school their
#27 Staying With Conflict: A Small Lesson In Conflict Transformation Keep Reading »
The watershed moments in which disputes are resolved are many and varied. Recently, the participants late in a mediation, deviated from my suggested way of proceeding. They expressed their frank and full dissatisfaction and dislike of each other. I was surprised by how such expressions late in the mediation seemed to facilitate settlement. This was a
#25 Highlighted Differences Result In Mediation Settlement Keep Reading »
In my first blog on trust I ended by stating that people focus too much on whether or not to trust, and not enough on how to trust. Thinking of trust as having different faces reveals how to trust more effectively. By faces I mean different ways that trust presents itself to us, and
#21 Predictability Is Better Than No Trust At All Keep Reading »
There are two sides to the competence face of trust that I have noticed. You might say there’s a bright side and a dim side. The bright side first. In a couple of classes I have asked participants to break into pairs and talk about a time when someone – boss, parent, mentor or
#20 Our Trust In Competence – The Bright And Dim Sides Keep Reading »
In my first blog on trust I introduced five faces of trust. Integrity is probably the face of trust that we most often relate to. It involves relying on people behaving and acting in the way that they present themselves to us. In The Truth about Trust David DeSteno makes four helpful suggestions regarding
#19 How Trustworthy Is That Person? Four Considerations Keep Reading »
In determining whether to trust and how much to trust someone we don’t know, we humans rely on several factors. If we don’t have access to information from others on someone’s reputation, we are often stuck with having to make a determination from being with that person. I find this subject a bit of
#18 Assessing Trustworthiness – Using Your Head Or Gut? Keep Reading »
