Listening well is often considered the hallmark of effective communication in conflict dynamics, but speaking one’s mind well is also important. Meaningful communication always flows in both directions. Bernie Mayer discussed the importance of speaking up in Episode 6 of the On Conflict Podcast. Referring to himself, Bernie elevated the importance of speaking up: “The […]
#89 The Importance of Speaking Up Keep Reading »
You’ve heard people say, “Let’s not make it personal” or “It’s not personal.” There’s a cluster of positive intentions behind these statements about making it personal; for example, a wish to stay focused on problem solving and not blame others, or an intention to prevent a conversation from degrading into personal attacks. However, in the
#87 When ‘Making It Personal’ Adds Value Keep Reading »
Reporting false information is not always a lie. It is frequently due to errors of perception and memory that are described in the previous blog. Therefore, the statement “He’s a liar” is often factually incorrect. As often as not, people unknowingly rather than knowingly report false information. There is a rich irony here. To say
#85 “He’s A Liar” – Why People Say It When It’s Not True Keep Reading »
He said something false… Others told us what he says is not true. We have documentation. We were there at the time and it didn’t happen that way. He’s trying to hide something, avoid responsibility, or unfairly advance his interests. It’s clear because what he is saying is not true, so he’s a liar. Right?
#84 “He’s a Liar” – Why That’s Often Not True Keep Reading »
In the previous blog, I wrote about enhancing collaboration with low advocacy questions. In this blog, we will have a look at the exploration- and the resolution-oriented pathways of questioning. When we ask a question in negotiation or a conflict interaction, we are frequently opening up a certain character of conversation with the other party.
#83 Questions of Exploration and Resolution: Know the Difference Keep Reading »
Much is made of the difference between open and closed questions in conflict resolution training, but there are additional ways of understanding questions that are highly relevant to being collaborative. The amount of advocacy included in your question is one of those understandings. When you ask an open question, is it a low advocacy question
#82 Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions Keep Reading »
We often share our immediate experience with others in social situations. This could be emotional experience, for example: “How exciting,” or “That gives me the creeps.” Or, it could be perceptual experience: “You seem to be putting a lot of time and energy into your hobby.” Sharing your experience builds connection and relationship. It’s part of
#77 Report Your Experience – A Way To Help Others Keep Reading »
“Let’s agree to disagree.” When someone says this, what do they mean? To me, the statement seems to carry with it both positive and negative messages. Positives are the idea that an agreement can be salvaged out of an apparent impasse, and a sense that we don’t have to break off relationship completely. At the
#76 “Let’s Agree to Disagree”: What Does this Mean and how to Respond? Keep Reading »
When listening to people in conflict you will sometimes hear them sound sympathetic to the other party. Someone who has been speaking negatively about the other party may, at times, ‘switch gears’ and sound like they are feeling considerate towards the other party. What is this apparent sympathy about? First, an example with an explanation.
#70 Apparent Sympathy Keep Reading »
