In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of personal responsibility. In this blog […]
#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth Keep Reading »
By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage those reactions. Rather than act
#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit Keep Reading »
You may have noted a theme in my blogs regarding my attitude to conflict. I think much of what we do that doesn’t work stems from conflict avoidance and our inability to be with conflict. I find that acceptance of conflict is more likely to facilitate a constructive shift in conflict dynamics which will then
#49 Conflict Avoidance: Four Types And Four Questions To Get You Re-engaged Keep Reading »
In this blog I am suggesting that there may be two general pathways to compatibility in dispute resolution. Consciously choosing one or the other can assist you to be more effective at addressing differences. Additionally, since the first pathway is the one that is normally taken, I am going to focus more on the characteristics
#48 Two Pathways To Compatibility Keep Reading »
We have different parts to ourselves: body, mind, emotion, spirit, and heart. Conflict impacts some or all of these five parts of us. In the previous blog I wrote that we must communicate from the part that has been impacted in order to address the effects of conflict on that level. And, when trust is
#46 The Five Parts Of Us Impacted By Conflict Keep Reading »
We each have different parts to ourselves such as body, mind, emotion, spirit and heart. These are the parts of a person Ken Cloke describes in his book The Crossroads of Conflict. By spirit I think Ken means intention and life energy; and by heart, the place where love resides and which is also a
#45 How To Bring Spirit and Heart To Your Conflicts Keep Reading »
In the previous blog I explained how having an alternative to negotiation is empowering. Here I am going to talk about alternatives to mediation. In the case of workplace conflict, I find that helping the parties to explore their alternatives to mediation is an effective preparation for mediation. Frequently the alternatives are not as secure
#37 Alternatives To Mediation In The Workplace Keep Reading »
In their groundbreaking book on negotiation, Getting to Yes, Fisher and Ury introduced the concept of Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA). The authors present the BATNA, which is also applicable to conflict situations, as a more useful and powerful concept than having a ‘bottom line’. The bottom line is the worst deal that is still
#36 How To Come Up With Your BATNA Keep Reading »
Last time I wrote about how shifting some attention to yourself can help resolve a dispute. I used the example practice of clarifying your preferred direction in life then assessing whether your engagement in a conflict is consistent with movement in the desired direction. In this blog I will outline a potentially powerful way you
#32 The Internalizing Conversation Keep Reading »
