Listening well is often considered the hallmark of effective communication in conflict dynamics, but speaking one’s mind well is also important. Meaningful communication always flows in both directions. Bernie Mayer discussed the importance of speaking up in Episode 6 of the On Conflict Podcast.
Referring to himself, Bernie elevated the importance of speaking up:
“The harder thing is to be really clear, ‘What do I really think?’ and to have the courage to say it. And then to have it come back at me because that is ultimately what will help me change what I think. And the most profound changes in my life were when I was willing to do that.”
Bernie implies that both our personal growth and our respect of others are tied to saying what is on our minds to people with whom we disagree. If this is the case, why do we so often keep our thoughts to ourselves?
You probably have some quick answers. Speaking up could lead to an argument, it could damage relationship, or negatively affect my reputation. There will, at the very least, be some uncomfortable moments. Why would I gather myself together inside, find my voice, and introduce an unwanted perspective – particularly when it is unsolicited?
Perhaps we don’t value our own thoughts as much as we should. Every perspective offers greater richness to collective understanding. Your ideas could be the perfect catalyst that a group needs to make an innovative leap. Your thoughts could come at the perfect time to help someone shift a narrow viewpoint. You might even consider that speaking up is your announcement to the world of where you stand in your life.
Looking through the lens of a conflict consultant, there are liabilities to not speaking up. By avoiding engagement over pronounced differences, we run the risk of an underlying conflict escalating out of control. By ignoring the importance of speaking up, we lose the opportunity to make progress on the differences. We may not find the means of containing the conflict if we don’t communicate over it.
Valuing our own perspectives doesn’t mean pushing them on others, nor does it mean sharing everything we think or vocalizing every disagreement that we have. Far from it. Valuing our thoughts does mean allowing considered perspectives that are meaningful to us to have life in the social discourse. It means setting them free to do their work in the human interactional web. This is the importance of speaking up.
So, the next time you resist making a potentially controversial or unpopular point, consider that you may be holding back on assisting certain individuals, or depriving a group of information that could lead to better decisions or actions. You might even be putting a momentary damper on your own actualization.
I invite you to listen to Bernie Mayer, a hugely knowledgeable and experienced author and mediator, share his views on the importance of speaking up – both for our individual selves and for the world at this particular time in history. Go to the podcast here.
You may leave a comment for me below. Thanks!
Gordon
Hi Gordon A very important subject well dealt with . If only our world would listen some of our major players want to dominate all discussion and this appears to be a time when we all need to work together. Thanks for allowing me to enjoy. Regards Sandy
Hi Sandy,
Thank you for your kind remarks. If only the leaders would listen to you!
Best wishes,
Gordon
So inspiring, Gordon, thank you! Reading your post connected me with one reason I hadn’t realized for why I hold back sometimes – and that is not valuing the possibility that I could make a positive impact for myself and for others by speaking up. Thank you for this beacon.
HI Julia,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Listening well is such a challenge that I think we sometimes lose sight of how important sharing our views can be. Glad that this blog was helpful to you!
Gordon