I think that when we feel a stab of anger we hold a sword above our own heads. This image of anger suggests that it can harm the person who experiences it. We must overcome the natural gravity of the emotion, otherwise the sword of anger will strike our own heads and cleave apart our […]
#75 Anger: A Sword Above Our Own Heads Keep Reading »
Emotions have both meanings and action tendencies. Anger’s foremost meaning seems to be that another person or thing has caused harm and there should be a consequence. However, anger’s action tendency – the way it inclines us to carry out the consequence – can be problematic. One of anger’s central action tendencies is what American
#74 How to Move Past Anger’s Payback Wish Keep Reading »
Anger is both beneficial and necessary, and at the same time, a potentially dangerous liability. In this blog I write about some of its central benefits along with qualifying cautions. Anger is helpful as a: -Signal of wrong-doing -Means of defense -Message of deterrence -Energetic source of motivation The categories above (also below)
#73 The Tapestry of Anger: A Review of Benefits and Cautions Keep Reading »
In conflict, people may acknowledge that they have contributed to difficulties, but then explain how the other party is more to blame. Parties usually have opposing arguments and are reluctant to take enough responsibility for their role in the conflict, and thus the total responsibility taken between the two is not enough to resolve it.
#72 Take Responsibility: Four Ways to Get Out of the Blame Game Keep Reading »
The road to greater empowerment in conflict resolution is different from what you might imagine. We are all familiar with the feeling of power that accompanies anger or being righteously offended. But, swellings of aggravation are delusional and a false sense of power. Through blame, these emotions assign responsibility to other people, but realistically we
#71 Taking More Responsibility for Conflict Leads to Greater Empowerment Keep Reading »
When listening to people in conflict you will sometimes hear them sound sympathetic to the other party. Someone who has been speaking negatively about the other party may, at times, ‘switch gears’ and sound like they are feeling considerate towards the other party. What is this apparent sympathy about? First, an example with an explanation.
#70 Apparent Sympathy Keep Reading »
The dialogue below is fictitious, but it is based on an experience I had as a mediator. It illustrates how mediation resistance can manifest, for example over encountering the other party The context is a court mediation program in which the mediator does not have the opportunity to conduct pre-mediation meetings. The Defendant and her
#69 A Dialogue: Overcoming Mediation Resistance Keep Reading »
A simple statement may carry with it a larger underlying message. If you take all simple statements literally, you will miss important elements of what the other person is communicating. Trying to correctly infer the meaning of the underlying message is less important than noticing that there probably is an underlying message. Once
#68 How to Respond to an Underlying Message Keep Reading »
We negotiate because we want certain tangible interests satisfied. We may also need to talk through past events, or build a stronger working relationship. Additionally, there is another type of benefit to negotiation that can be a potential goldmine. It is the possibility of creating value that is not evident before negotiators meet. Creating value
#67 Creating Value in Negotiation Keep Reading »
