He said something false… Others told us what he says is not true. We have documentation. We were there at the time and it didn’t happen that way. He’s trying to hide something, avoid responsibility, or unfairly advance his interests. It’s clear because what he is saying is not true, so he’s a liar. Right? […]
#84 “He’s a Liar” – Why That’s Often Not True Keep Reading »
In the previous blog, I wrote about enhancing collaboration with low advocacy questions. In this blog, we will have a look at the exploration- and the resolution-oriented pathways of questioning. When we ask a question in negotiation or a conflict interaction, we are frequently opening up a certain character of conversation with the other party.
#83 Questions of Exploration and Resolution: Know the Difference Keep Reading »
Much is made of the difference between open and closed questions in conflict resolution training, but there are additional ways of understanding questions that are highly relevant to being collaborative. The amount of advocacy included in your question is one of those understandings. When you ask an open question, is it a low advocacy question
#82 Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions Keep Reading »
In the previous blog I outlined five practices that sustain the power of authority for positive and constructive uses. In this blog I explore in a more focused manner the relationship between authority and power, and suggest two ways that skilled authoritarians can best use their power. I have observed that highly competent leaders, managers,
#81 Potent Alternatives to the Use of Authority Keep Reading »
Adam Kahane has worked on some of the more challenging social problems that the world has faced in recent history, for example the dismantling of apartheid in South Africa, and building connections between the Government and drug cartels in Colombia. His voice is highly relevant because there are few others in the field of conflict engagement
#80 Adam Kahane on How to Collaborate with an Enemy Keep Reading »
A coach has authority over members of a team. If people report to you in the workplace then you have authority. In a family, parents usually have significant authority over their children until they no longer live together. By authority I mean a position in society, an organization, or a community that gives you the
#79 Five Practices For Sustaining Positive Use Of Authority Keep Reading »
Some conflicts are not going away, and focusing on resolution may be counter-productive. I heard leading researcher John Gottman say in a plenary address that over 65 percent of marital conflict is never resolved. It’s how couples live and work with conflict that makes the difference. The same could be said of many other organizational,
We often share our immediate experience with others in social situations. This could be emotional experience, for example: “How exciting,” or “That gives me the creeps.” Or, it could be perceptual experience: “You seem to be putting a lot of time and energy into your hobby.” Sharing your experience builds connection and relationship. It’s part of
#77 Report Your Experience – A Way To Help Others Keep Reading »
“Let’s agree to disagree.” When someone says this, what do they mean? To me, the statement seems to carry with it both positive and negative messages. Positives are the idea that an agreement can be salvaged out of an apparent impasse, and a sense that we don’t have to break off relationship completely. At the
#76 “Let’s Agree to Disagree”: What Does this Mean and how to Respond? Keep Reading »
