The dialogue below is fictitious, but it is based on an experience I had as a mediator. It illustrates how mediation resistance can manifest, for example over encountering the other party The context is a court mediation program in which the mediator does not have the opportunity to conduct pre-mediation meetings. The Defendant and her […]
#69 A Dialogue: Overcoming Mediation Resistance Keep Reading »
A simple statement may carry with it a larger underlying message. If you take all simple statements literally, you will miss important elements of what the other person is communicating. Trying to correctly infer the meaning of the underlying message is less important than noticing that there probably is an underlying message. Once
#68 How to Respond to an Underlying Message Keep Reading »
By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage those reactions. Rather than act
#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit Keep Reading »
A strong and meaningful apology has to be genuinely felt. In fact, when it is deeply felt and communicated, the components described below will often be spontaneously expressed, or they may be expressed non-verbally. In a nutshell, a strong and meaningful apology requires that we both communicate empathy and take responsibility for our actions.
#50 How To Communicate A Strong And Meaningful Apology Keep Reading »
In the previous blog I wrote about how to advance your interests when dealing with someone who has authority over you. In this blog, I will present some perspectives on how to encourage your subordinates to open up with you and provide you with valuable feedback. Most of us have heard subordinates talking privately about
#43 Power Down: Share Power To Level The Playing Field With Subordinates Keep Reading »
Participants in my classes will frequently ask how to work with someone who has more power than they do. This question often refers to someone who has more authority. Authority is only one form of power and when we view it as absolute it will blind us to other sources of power that we have.
Listening with the intention to understand is the most fundamental requirement for understanding others in difficult situations. But, maintaining this positive intention is challenging for a number of reasons. Foremost, an intention is abstract which makes it very difficult for most of us to monitor. Secondly, our internal reactivity to what offends us or what
#41 Understanding Others By Demonstration and Confirmation Keep Reading »
