#54 Two Specific Ways To Make Use Of Your Defensiveness

Two Specific Ways to Make Use of Your Defensiveness

In the previous blog I wrote that remaining overly defensive is tantamount to turning one’s back on a growth opportunity. By considering the possible merit of the critical perspectives of others, we can integrate new ways of seeing ourselves and of seeing the world. In this blog I will explain … Continue reading

#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of … Continue reading

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage … Continue reading

#51 Make Your Identity Quake Work For You

Identity Quake

‘Identity quake’ is a term used by the authors of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. It means a disruption in how we view and understand ourselves, and it is an important concept to understand if you wish to gain the maximum from your conflict interactions. An identity … Continue reading

#32 The Internalizing Conversation

Last time I wrote about how shifting some attention to yourself can help resolve a dispute. I used the example practice of clarifying your preferred direction in life then assessing whether your engagement in a conflict is consistent with movement in the desired direction. In this blog I will outline … Continue reading

#8 Are Conflict and Spirituality Connected?

  Cinnie Noble recently raised the topic of conflict and spirituality in her LinkedIn group, the Conflict Coaching Guild. This is a topic close to my heart and one I will likely return to in future posts. Through the lively discussion Cinnie started, I discerned a division in approaches to … Continue reading

#3 Longing for the Enemy

Quote by Gordon White

“All of you undisturbed cities, haven’t you ever longed for the enemy’ begins Rainer Maria Rilke’s poem in translation from Das Stundenbuch. In David Whyte’s interpretation of the poem, Rilke’s walled, disconnected city is symbolic of the self which needs an enemy to break down its walls and reconnect. That … Continue reading