Building Trust

#57 Building Trust in the Absence of Integrity

This blog further explores the notion introduced in Blog #17 that there are different approaches to trust. There, I initially named these approaches ‘faces of trust,’ and in this blog I am describing them as qualities that we can rely on in someone else to build trust. This blog also pulls together several ideas from …

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Two Specific Ways to Make Use of Your Defensiveness

#54 Two Specific Ways To Make Use Of Your Defensiveness

In the previous blog I wrote that remaining overly defensive is tantamount to turning one’s back on a growth opportunity. By considering the possible merit of the critical perspectives of others, we can integrate new ways of seeing ourselves and of seeing the world. In this blog I will explain two ways to think about …

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Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of personal responsibility. In this blog …

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Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage those reactions. Rather than act …

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Identity Quake

#51 Make Your Identity Quake Work For You

‘Identity quake’ is a term used by the authors of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. It means a disruption in how we view and understand ourselves, and it is an important concept to understand if you wish to gain the maximum from your conflict interactions. An identity quake offers valuable opportunity for …

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#49 Conflict Avoidance: Four Types And Four Questions To Get You Re-engaged

You may have noted a theme in my blogs regarding my attitude to conflict. I think much of what we do that doesn’t work stems from conflict avoidance and our inability to be with conflict. I find that acceptance of conflict is more likely to facilitate a constructive shift in conflict dynamics which will then …

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