#59 The Cost Of Negotiating May Not Be A Cost At All

#59 cost of negotiating

  In this blog I address the value and cost of negotiating in relation to the benefit of an agreement. You can ask yourself: Is the benefit of a potential agreement worth the cost of negotiating, i.e. your time, effort, and possible financial outlay? In other words, the benefit of … Continue reading

#58 Is Negotiation What You Think It Is?

Is Negotiation What You Think It Is?

For many people the term ‘negotiation’ conjures up visions of trade deals and collective agreements. For others, ‘negotiation’ broadly includes two co-workers reaching a decision on which coffee shop to meet at. For me, a negotiation occurs when people are seeking an agreement and something is at stake for them. … Continue reading

#57 Building Trust in the Absence of Integrity

Building Trust

This blog further explores the notion introduced in Blog #17 that there are different approaches to trust. There, I initially named these approaches ‘faces of trust,’ and in this blog I am describing them as qualities that we can rely on in someone else to build trust. This blog also … Continue reading

#56 Complexity Tolerance

Complexity Tolerance: image of a raindrop laden cobweb

In order to make sense out of the world, we seek and use simple explanations for complex things. Simple explanations allow us to comprehend easily and act without undue deliberation, but they can also get us into trouble. Complexity can be advantageous. The tension between simplification and greater complexity plays … Continue reading

#55 Is Full Collaboration An Illusion?

#55 Is collaboration an illusion

In order to resolve a dispute, how much do you compete with the other party, treating him or her as an adversary? And, how much do you collaborate and work with him or her for your mutual benefit? Collaboration versus competition is a central quandary in dispute resolution.

#54 Two Specific Ways To Make Use Of Your Defensiveness

Two Specific Ways to Make Use of Your Defensiveness

In the previous blog I wrote that remaining overly defensive is tantamount to turning one’s back on a growth opportunity. By considering the possible merit of the critical perspectives of others, we can integrate new ways of seeing ourselves and of seeing the world. In this blog I will explain … Continue reading

#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of … Continue reading

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage … Continue reading

#51 Make Your Identity Quake Work For You

Identity Quake

‘Identity quake’ is a term used by the authors of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. It means a disruption in how we view and understand ourselves, and it is an important concept to understand if you wish to gain the maximum from your conflict interactions. An identity … Continue reading

#50 How To Communicate A Strong And Meaningful Apology

Image for strong and meaningful apology

A strong and meaningful apology has to be genuinely felt. In fact, when it is deeply felt and communicated, the components described below will often be spontaneously expressed, or they may be expressed non-verbally. In a nutshell, a strong and meaningful apology requires that we both communicate empathy and take … Continue reading