#55 Is Full Collaboration An Illusion?

#55 Is collaboration an illusion

In order to resolve a dispute, how much do you compete with the other party, treating him or her as an adversary? And, how much do you collaborate and work with him or her for your mutual benefit? Collaboration versus competition is a central quandary in dispute resolution.

#54 Two Specific Ways To Make Use Of Your Defensiveness

Two Specific Ways to Make Use of Your Defensiveness

In the previous blog I wrote that remaining overly defensive is tantamount to turning one’s back on a growth opportunity. By considering the possible merit of the critical perspectives of others, we can integrate new ways of seeing ourselves and of seeing the world. In this blog I will explain … Continue reading

#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of … Continue reading

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage … Continue reading

#51 Make Your Identity Quake Work For You

Identity Quake

‘Identity quake’ is a term used by the authors of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. It means a disruption in how we view and understand ourselves, and it is an important concept to understand if you wish to gain the maximum from your conflict interactions. An identity … Continue reading

#50 How To Communicate A Strong And Meaningful Apology

Image for strong and meaningful apology

A strong and meaningful apology has to be genuinely felt. In fact, when it is deeply felt and communicated, the components described below will often be spontaneously expressed, or they may be expressed non-verbally. In a nutshell, a strong and meaningful apology requires that we both communicate empathy and take … Continue reading

#49 Conflict Avoidance: Four Types And Four Questions To Get You Re-engaged

You may have noted a theme in my blogs regarding my attitude to conflict. I think much of what we do that doesn’t work stems from conflict avoidance and our inability to be with conflict. I find that acceptance of conflict is more likely to facilitate a constructive shift in … Continue reading

#48 Two Pathways To Compatibility

In this blog I am suggesting that there may be two general pathways to compatibility in dispute resolution. Consciously choosing one or the other can assist you to be more effective at addressing differences. Additionally, since the first pathway is the one that is normally taken, I am going to … Continue reading

#47 Keleti Train Station In Budapest, Hungary: There’s A Difference Between What’s Frightening And What’s Dangerous

The mosquito is the most dangerous animal in the world, but it is not the animal most of us imagine with fear. I heard an American political adventurer (my term) being interviewed on the CBC radio show, Ideas, use this example to clarify the difference between what is frightening and … Continue reading

#46 The Five Parts Of Us Impacted By Conflict

We have different parts to ourselves: body, mind, emotion, spirit, and heart. Conflict impacts some or all of these five parts of us. In the previous blog I wrote that we must communicate from the part that has been impacted in order to address the effects of conflict on that … Continue reading