#80 Adam Kahane on How to Collaborate with an Enemy

Adam Kahane on collaborating with an enemy

Adam Kahane has worked on some of the more challenging social problems that the world has faced in recent history, for example the dismantling of apartheid in South Africa, and building connections between the Government and drug cartels in Colombia. His voice is highly relevant because there are few others in … Continue reading

#78 Encapsulating Conflict – How to Live with Ongoing Conflict When You’re at Your Wit’s Ends

Encapsulating Conflict – How to Live with On-Going Conflict When You're at Your Wit's Ends

Some conflicts are not going away, and focusing on resolution may be counter-productive. I heard leading researcher John Gottman say in a plenary address that over 65 percent of marital conflict is never resolved. It’s how couples live and work with conflict that makes the difference. The same could be … Continue reading

#71 Taking More Responsibility for Conflict Leads to Greater Empowerment

Greater empowerment. Photo of man on sailboat

The road to greater empowerment in conflict resolution is different from what you might imagine. We are all familiar with the feeling of power that accompanies anger or being righteously offended. But, swellings of aggravation are delusional and a false sense of power. Through blame, these emotions assign responsibility to … Continue reading

#57 Building Trust in the Absence of Integrity

Building Trust

This blog further explores the notion introduced in Blog #17 that there are different approaches to trust. There, I initially named these approaches ‘faces of trust,’ and in this blog I am describing them as qualities that we can rely on in someone else to build trust. This blog also … Continue reading

#56 Complexity Tolerance

Complexity Tolerance: image of a raindrop laden cobweb

In order to make sense out of the world, we seek and use simple explanations for complex things. Simple explanations allow us to comprehend easily and act without undue deliberation, but they can also get us into trouble. Complexity can be advantageous. The tension between simplification and greater complexity plays … Continue reading

#55 Is Full Collaboration An Illusion?

#55 Is collaboration an illusion

In order to resolve a dispute, how much do you compete with the other party, treating him or her as an adversary? And, how much do you collaborate and work with him or her for your mutual benefit? Collaboration versus competition is a central quandary in dispute resolution.

#53 Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

Being Defensive Means Compromising Our Growth

In the previous blog I wrote about how most of us require a specific self-management practice in order to be effective in conflict engagements. But, being thoroughly non-defensive requires more than a self-management practice. It rests on an understanding of defensive reactivity that assigns to it a high level of … Continue reading

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage … Continue reading

#49 Conflict Avoidance: Four Types And Four Questions To Get You Re-engaged

You may have noted a theme in my blogs regarding my attitude to conflict. I think much of what we do that doesn’t work stems from conflict avoidance and our inability to be with conflict. I find that acceptance of conflict is more likely to facilitate a constructive shift in … Continue reading

#48 Two Pathways To Compatibility

In this blog I am suggesting that there may be two general pathways to compatibility in dispute resolution. Consciously choosing one or the other can assist you to be more effective at addressing differences. Additionally, since the first pathway is the one that is normally taken, I am going to … Continue reading