Communication

The importance of speaking up - photo of two birds, one chatting to the other

#89 The Importance of Speaking Up

Listening well is often considered the hallmark of effective communication in conflict dynamics, but speaking one’s mind well is also important. Meaningful communication always flows in both directions. Bernie Mayer discussed the importance of speaking up in Episode 6 of the On Conflict Podcast. Referring to himself, Bernie elevated the importance of speaking up: “The …

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Making It Personal - an image of two lmale lions facing each other

#87 When ‘Making It Personal’ Adds Value

You’ve heard people say, “Let’s not make it personal” or “It’s not personal.” There’s a cluster of positive intentions behind these statements about making it personal; for example, a wish to stay focused on problem solving and not blame others, or an intention to prevent a conversation from degrading into personal attacks.  However, in the …

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"He's A Liar" – Why People Say It When It's Not True

#85 “He’s A Liar” – Why People Say It When It’s Not True

Reporting false information is not always a lie. It is frequently due to errors of perception and memory that are described in the previous blog. Therefore, the statement “He’s a liar” is often factually incorrect. As often as not, people unknowingly rather than knowingly report false information. There is a rich irony here. To say …

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photo: He's A Liar

#84 “He’s a Liar” – Why That’s Often Not True

He said something false… Others told us what he says is not true. We have documentation. We were there at the time and it didn’t happen that way. He’s trying to hide something, avoid responsibility, or unfairly advance his interests. It’s clear because what he is saying is not true, so he’s a liar. Right? …

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Exploration-Oriented and Resolution-Oriented Questions

#83 Questions of Exploration and Resolution: Know the Difference

In the previous blog, I wrote about enhancing collaboration with low advocacy questions. In this blog, we will have a look at the exploration- and the resolution-oriented pathways of questioning. When we ask a question in negotiation or a conflict interaction, we are frequently opening up a certain character of conversation with the other party. …

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Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions

#82 Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions

Much is made of the difference between open and closed questions in conflict resolution training, but there are additional ways of understanding questions that are highly relevant to being collaborative. The amount of advocacy included in your question is one of those understandings. When you ask an open question, is it a low advocacy question …

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Sharing your experience

#77 Report Your Experience – A Way To Help Others

We often share our immediate experience with others in social situations. This could be emotional experience, for example: “How exciting,” or “That gives me the creeps.” Or, it could be perceptual experience: “You seem to be putting a lot of time and energy into your hobby.” Sharing your experience builds connection and relationship. It’s part of …

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Agree to Disagree

#76 “Let’s Agree to Disagree”:  What Does this Mean and how to Respond?

“Let’s agree to disagree.” When someone says this, what do they mean? To me, the statement seems to carry with it both positive and negative messages. Positives are the idea that an agreement can be salvaged out of an apparent impasse, and a sense that we don’t have to break off relationship completely. At the …

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