# 85 “He’s A Liar” – Why People Say It When It’s Not True

"He's A Liar" – Why People Say It When It's Not True

Reporting false information is not always a lie. It is frequently due to errors of perception and memory that are described in the previous blog. Therefore, the statement “He’s a liar” is often factually incorrect. As often as not, people unknowingly rather than knowingly report false information. There is a … Continue reading

#84 “He’s a Liar” – Why That’s Often Not True

photo: He's A Liar

He said something false… Others told us what he says is not true. We have documentation. We were there at the time and it didn’t happen that way. He’s trying to hide something, avoid responsibility, or unfairly advance his interests. It’s clear because what he is saying is not true, … Continue reading

#83 Questions of Exploration and Resolution: Know the Difference

Exploration-Oriented and Resolution-Oriented Questions

In the previous blog, I wrote about enhancing collaboration with low advocacy questions. In this blog, we will have a look at the exploration- and the resolution-oriented pathways of questioning. When we ask a question in negotiation or a conflict interaction, we are frequently opening up a certain character of … Continue reading

#82 Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions

Enhance Collaboration with Low Advocacy Questions

Much is made of the difference between open and closed questions in conflict resolution training, but there are additional ways of understanding questions that are highly relevant to being collaborative. The amount of advocacy included in your question is one of those understandings. When you ask an open question, is … Continue reading

#77 Report Your Experience – A Way To Help Others

Sharing your experience

We often share our immediate experience with others in social situations. This could be emotional experience, for example: “How exciting,” or “That gives me the creeps.” Or, it could be perceptual experience: “You seem to be putting a lot of time and energy into your hobby.” Sharing your experience builds connection … Continue reading

#76 “Let’s Agree to Disagree”:  What Does this Mean and how to Respond?

Agree to Disagree

“Let’s agree to disagree.” When someone says this, what do they mean? To me, the statement seems to carry with it both positive and negative messages. Positives are the idea that an agreement can be salvaged out of an apparent impasse, and a sense that we don’t have to break … Continue reading

#70 Apparent Sympathy

Apparent Sympathy

When listening to people in conflict you will sometimes hear them sound sympathetic to the other party. Someone who has been speaking negatively about the other party may, at times, ‘switch gears’ and sound like they are feeling considerate towards the other party. What is this apparent sympathy about? First, … Continue reading

#69 A Dialogue: Overcoming Mediation Resistance

The dialogue below is fictitious, but it is based on an experience I had as a mediator. It illustrates how mediation resistance can manifest, for example over encountering the other party The context is a court mediation program in which the mediator does not have the opportunity to conduct pre-mediation … Continue reading

#68 How to Respond to an Underlying Message

underlying message

A simple statement may carry with it a larger underlying message. If you take all simple statements literally, you will miss important elements of what the other person is communicating.     Trying to correctly infer the meaning of the underlying message is less important than noticing that there probably … Continue reading

#52 Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

Why You Need A Self-Management Habit

By self-management I mean a highly practical and essential nuts-and-bolts practice that allows us to manage the defensive reactions we have in conflict interactions. When we are criticized or attacked we tend to reflexively defend ourselves. In order to be effective in conflict we have to be able to manage … Continue reading